| found this. seems to suit the mood today |
[Jun. 8th, 2007|08:35 pm] |
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With perfect patience time ticks; every tomorrow lined up at the end of our nose
"just how slow do you go?"
we ponder our eyes fixed yonder, with tapping toes.
Tripped and tricked we became, a Forever's worth of yesterdays ago;
We've make room for "anyways" and settled for what we know.
While keeping watch on tomorrow's gain, life happens all the same
Behind we get on yesterday's done; fretting over a battle already won.
everyone of my dear friends is having this same problem. baby i know |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2007|09:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
jesus. christ.
so ya. on may 1st i fell down at brack and busted my knee. got 14 stiches. almost broke my knee cap.
i literally just was able to walk around like nothing was wrong LAST night. before that i'd spent the entire month inside basically, i have an uber nice boy keeping me company, and uh.
well i don't like to talk about it.
the scar is AWESOME though.
i don't want to fuck anything up, in ANY way. and that's all i ever seem to be able to do.
heather's leaving for california for a few days.
aint got much to do, i'm getting addicted to italian subs.
so tasty. no onions extra hots. hmmasd,fm.
uh yeah not blonde anymore. really happy about that. blonde ambition isn't really my thing.
really really really happy. been spending a lot of time with that boy i mentioned this past week, riding around in his jeep, smoking, laughing, drinkin beers, being outside. we met at a party, i love that entire group of boys, they're all such good people, and funny.
only thing's wrong is the bugs that keep flying in my window. adn this heat. jesus the heat's gonna get me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2007|01:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | WILCO | ] |
those waves were vicious tonight, and i had the front row seat tonight.
i have good days and bad days.
everythings really messed up right now.
my moods are controlled by drugs, uppers, downers, i let booze take me sideways.
somehow i have about a million and two boys running after me, matty is calling it my blonde ambition.
(i'm blonde now.) Of course, in classic amanda style, i'm only crazy about the one who i have to jump through hoops for, and lives the furthest away. typical typical typical.
ink and wash has brought me to a whole other level in the way i view the world, and i've begin to explore metaphysical ideas in every aspect of my life. i am currently working tward massart. then who knows what. i guess i'll see where it can take me. i'd like to end up at Temple U in philly, they have a very good art history program there from what i've heard.
all that, and i am also convinced the world has begun to end as a direct result of global warming. |
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| i'm a bitch |
[Mar. 22nd, 2007|01:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nuts as in CRAZY | ] |
every attempt i made has failed. I should give up, right?
i'm still thinking of new ways. I don't believe I was taken THAT seriously, was I?
whatever man. It just makes me a little sad, that's all. |
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| you're old. |
[Jan. 21st, 2007|02:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  muffafukker | ] |
in comparison, you don't know anything.
i've been forgetting an awful lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|10:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
i always forget what happens and especially in what order.
damnnnnn itttttt |
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| douchecake |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|11:20 pm] |
I have a new red coat.
it makes me do devilish things like you wouldn't believe.
i blew of the bostonian douche bag. he had it coming.
switched hickeys with a hobbit.
not much else. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|03:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
Found my notebooks that helped me through November into March. you know, that whole shit storm. did some thinking, and this is what i have to say;
about a year ago, I was completely weak, and whinny, and confused. what else is to be expected though? not much, obviously. I wrote all about what I wanted and how things were(n't) working out, and I had no idea how to go about getting the things i wanted and getting them to go my way. the person who put me in this situation, strangely enough pulled me out of it the middle of summer. even though then, after all the growing i thought i'd done, i was a bratty little girl that smoked way too much weed and drew pretty pictures. however, a lot can change in five months. a lot can change in five days, but that's not the point. i feel old now, right now. very old. my face even looks it. And again, same time of the year, i'm back, standing on the holding of something big. this is was i felt welling up way back in september, before the leaves even had a chance to change, i knew it. and sitting on that bench in november, with all the leaves gripping to the trees, everything was calm but my gut was pulling at me. This was it. I'm going to go through with it, there's no way i can't. I'm surprised though, by how much it's the same. I'm taking the same pills, feeling the same lump swell and dissipate in my throat, i sit at the same window, on the same couch thinking the same thing, "my god, how am i going to get through this?".
Only this time, it's easy. I know there's going to be a tomorrow, and it's going to come after today, not sooner, not later. I know the tomorrows are going to add all up and then it'll be over, and done and far away.
I can't help but think about Brad and how fucked things are. Not that i want them that different, i still don't like him, i still think he's a deceitful person with a bad heart and don't want a lot to do with him. But for my own conscious' sake I want to apologize to him and let him know, I was only a silly little girl, and I behaved accordingly. I said really mean things, did really stupid things, and all in the wrong order. And yes, in all fairness, I told him to shove it up his ass, and he has every right to never talk to me again, because that's what i asked of him, and he's just holding up his end of the bargain. And some how, that actually makes me have some respect for the boy. i'm not a liar, i'll never be able to forget all about brad wilde, however nice of an idea it might sound. For fact, he's probably the biggest douche bag i'll ever meet, and he also managed to drag out the most painful breakup for a charming three months before he finally got the WHOLE truth out.
those aren't very nice things, and i relize this, HOWEVER i don't feel bad. at all. and I'm not going to. and no one can make me. ever.
that's all the truth, and it took a lot of drinking, pill popping and weed smoking to cover it up for the past year. and honestly, it's not even all about brad, it's about everyone who fucked me over this entire year.
big things are about to be happening, huge things. they have names, and faces, time constraints, and street addresses.
All my hard work, drawing and painting and writing is paying off. I'm making good money with good people. people around me are smiling.
but still.
i don't know what's going to happen after 4 p.m. tomorrow, the end all.
and that still worries me.
BUT IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD! |
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| rarararara |
[Dec. 14th, 2006|08:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  doooeet | ] |
i want to draw but i don't got nothing good to look at.
all wrapped up and sedated. stormy weather gone on by.
i want to make mac and cheese from scratch. like that one time.
mica sent me a portfolio idea sheet. thing. tells me what to do.
to prove i know my shit. i'm just too baked to look at anything.
ahhh shit. there goes |
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