Let's Disco<3

found this. seems to suit the mood today

2007-06-09T00:44:44Z

With perfect patience time ticks; every tomorrow lined up at the end of our nose
"just how slow do you go?"
we ponder our eyes fixed yonder, with tapping toes.
Tripped and tricked we became, a Forever's worth of yesterdays ago;
We've make room for "anyways" and settled for what we know.
While keeping watch on tomorrow's gain, life happens all the same
Behind we get on yesterday's done; fretting over a battle already won.

everyone of my dear friends is having this same problem. baby i know

anexcapeplan @ 2007-05-30T21:55:00

2007-05-31T02:05:10Z

jesus. christ.
so ya. on may 1st i fell down at brack and busted my knee. got 14 stiches. almost broke my knee cap.
i literally just was able to walk around like nothing was wrong LAST night. before that i'd spent the entire month inside basically, i have an uber nice boy keeping me company, and uh.
well i don't like to talk about it.
the scar is AWESOME though.
i don't want to fuck anything up, in ANY way. and that's all i ever seem to be able to do.
heather's leaving for california for a few days.
aint got much to do, i'm getting addicted to italian subs.
so tasty. no onions extra hots. hmmasd,fm.
uh yeah not blonde anymore. really happy about that. blonde ambition isn't really my thing.

really really really happy. been spending a lot of time with that boy i mentioned this past week, riding around in his jeep, smoking, laughing, drinkin beers, being outside. we met at a party, i love that entire group of boys, they're all such good people, and funny.

only thing's wrong is the bugs that keep flying in my window. adn this heat. jesus the heat's gonna get me.

anexcapeplan @ 2007-04-17T01:24:00

2007-04-17T05:29:07Z

those waves were vicious tonight, and i had the front row seat tonight.

i have good days and bad days.
everythings really messed up right now.
my moods are controlled by drugs, uppers, downers, i let booze take me sideways.
somehow i have about a million and two boys running after me, matty is calling it my blonde ambition.
(i'm blonde now.) Of course, in classic amanda style, i'm only crazy about the one who i have to jump through hoops for, and lives the furthest away. typical typical typical.
ink and wash has brought me to a whole other level in the way i view the world, and i've begin to explore metaphysical ideas in every aspect of my life. i am currently working tward massart. then who knows what. i guess i'll see where it can take me. i'd like to end up at Temple U in philly, they have a very good art history program there from what i've heard.

all that, and i am also convinced the world has begun to end as a direct result of global warming.

i'm a bitch

2007-03-22T06:27:47Z

every attempt i made has failed. I should give up, right?
i'm still thinking of new ways. I don't believe I was taken THAT seriously, was I?

whatever man. It just makes me a little sad, that's all.

you're old.

2007-01-21T07:39:51Z

in comparison, you don't know anything.

i've been forgetting an awful lot.

anexcapeplan @ 2007-01-08T10:57:00

2007-01-08T14:57:59Z

i always forget what happens and especially in what order.

damnnnnn itttttt

douchecake

2007-01-04T03:20:47Z

I have a new red coat.
it makes me do devilish things like you wouldn't believe.
i blew of the bostonian douche bag. he had it coming.
switched hickeys with a hobbit.

not much else.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-12-18T03:33:00

2006-12-18T07:33:15Z

Found my notebooks that helped me through November into March. you know, that whole shit storm. did some thinking, and this is what i have to say;
about a year ago, I was completely weak, and whinny, and confused. what else is to be expected though? not much, obviously. I wrote all about what I wanted and how things were(n't) working out, and I had no idea how to go about getting the things i wanted and getting them to go my way. the person who put me in this situation, strangely enough pulled me out of it the middle of summer. even though then, after all the growing i thought i'd done, i was a bratty little girl that smoked way too much weed and drew pretty pictures. however, a lot can change in five months. a lot can change in five days, but that's not the point. i feel old now, right now. very old. my face even looks it. And again, same time of the year, i'm back, standing on the holding of something big. this is was i felt welling up way back in september, before the leaves even had a chance to change, i knew it. and sitting on that bench in november, with all the leaves gripping to the trees, everything was calm but my gut was pulling at me. This was it. I'm going to go through with it, there's no way i can't. I'm surprised though, by how much it's the same. I'm taking the same pills, feeling the same lump swell and dissipate in my throat, i sit at the same window, on the same couch thinking the same thing, "my god, how am i going to get through this?".
Only this time, it's easy. I know there's going to be a tomorrow, and it's going to come after today, not sooner, not later. I know the tomorrows are going to add all up and then it'll be over, and done and far away.
I can't help but think about Brad and how fucked things are. Not that i want them that different, i still don't like him, i still think he's a deceitful person with a bad heart and don't want a lot to do with him. But for my own conscious' sake I want to apologize to him and let him know, I was only a silly little girl, and I behaved accordingly. I said really mean things, did really stupid things, and all in the wrong order. And yes, in all fairness, I told him to shove it up his ass, and he has every right to never talk to me again, because that's what i asked of him, and he's just holding up his end of the bargain. And some how, that actually makes me have some respect for the boy. i'm not a liar, i'll never be able to forget all about brad wilde, however nice of an idea it might sound. For fact, he's probably the biggest douche bag i'll ever meet, and he also managed to drag out the most painful breakup for a charming three months before he finally got the WHOLE truth out.
those aren't very nice things, and i relize this, HOWEVER i don't feel bad. at all. and I'm not going to. and no one can make me. ever.
that's all the truth, and it took a lot of drinking, pill popping and weed smoking to cover it up for the past year. and honestly, it's not even all about brad, it's about everyone who fucked me over this entire year.
big things are about to be happening, huge things. they have names, and faces, time constraints, and street addresses.
All my hard work, drawing and painting and writing is paying off. I'm making good money with good people. people around me are smiling.

but still.
i don't know what's going to happen after 4 p.m. tomorrow, the end all.
and that still worries me.
BUT IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD!

rarararara

2006-12-15T00:12:14Z

i want to draw but i don't got nothing good to look at.
all wrapped up and sedated. stormy weather gone on by.

i want to make mac and cheese from scratch. like that one time.

mica sent me a portfolio idea sheet. thing. tells me what to do.
to prove i know my shit. i'm just too baked to look at anything.
ahhh shit. there goes

anexcapeplan @ 2006-12-03T01:18:00

2006-12-03T05:18:13Z

i've been really sick. working a lot.
haven't had much time for anything.
it sucks. yes.
people will be coming home soon, warming hearts.
i went out last night with mizz and saw a few folks that were already around, and it was good.
boy was that rain crazy though.

if I can kick this, i'm going to philly in january. then florida in february. super fabulous.
i might be getting a sidekick. that's cool, too i guess.
i've given up on dumb boys and their frustraiting ways. compleatly. no kidding!!
i've been doing a lot of painting with watercolors, and missing berlin.
over all, things are going pretty slowly, like walking around through mudd.

i feel old.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-11-10T01:54:00

2006-11-10T05:54:55Z

so for the past... oh you know... week,
i've been having these dreams every night
with brad in them. it's been pretty fucking unnerving.

got into pacific northwest college of art. really excited.
i need to work on a little bit more stuff for maine, but the lady (however bitchy)
was pretty enthusiastic about my "ideas" (dumb bitch)

what else... nothing. really.
that's cool. okay.
damn those dreams were FREAKY.

i'd rather stay out in his car that goes BOOM

anexcapeplan @ 2006-10-24T20:34:00

2006-10-25T00:41:45Z

I'm pretty nervous.
money friday, boston saturday.
but today is only tuesday
and i have essays due; none of them are done.

it's entirely possible that today is his birthday,
i honestly couldn't tell you.
my memory never ceases to amaze me.

i made carrot cake and drew a lot today.
I did a whole ink series. color ink, fantastic.
I need to write Sophia, i need to get back up to maine.
i also need to get my position paper done.
and my portfolio properly photographed.

nothing i can do about it now.

oh porcupine, you'd be well inclined not to mess with me

2006-10-17T23:20:44Z

Ireland on the International Monetary Committee.
rock and roll.

I have several options for this weekend,
the best of which is the absolute WORST
concerning my mental stability. it'll be fun, though.

it's cold. my portfolio is insufficient, i must work on that.
bought a new sketchbook. looking into a drawing class.
visited MECA, it was like going home. I loved it.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-10-12T11:30:00

2006-10-12T11:33:10Z

last night I had a dream that I had my leg pocketed.
and I took it out. and my leg feels funny now.

also, taking pictures for slides today.
wooh! I'm scared!
this means I'm acknowleging I want to go to art school.
too bad I don't have some of my best work.
POOOOOOH

anexcapeplan @ 2006-10-11T03:33:00

2006-10-11T03:33:40Z

Central Square is the new Harvard Square.
don't you know?
(I'd much rather shop in cooky super markets then Urban Outfitters anywho)

school is not easy,
its giving me all sort of nervous problems.
with the exception of the cookie making part.
I wrote all about art and stuff today,
and my english teacher thinks i'm crazy.
which means she's not as out of it as I thought.

I'm making plans for art makings this weekend,
and also! Xiu Xiu. which means more 1369.

LGCD is a pile of shit. I called it.

I realized just now, I hate computers.

2006-10-02T06:09:04Z

I now know why they call them "uppers"
I smell awful and my stomach is protesting forcefully.
but, boy, am I UP [as in awake.]

I had an epiphany today; I'm getting old.
I've gotten old and I've grown up.
Obviously there are some kinks in this.
I can still be pretty immature,
and I'm still really young,
But in the sense of knowing who you are
and where you're going to be going,
I've figured it out. I know what I want.
But like I said, there are some kinks.

I wrote brad a note apologizing for how i behaved
and how I've realized that a lot of what I'd done was rotten
and that I finally understand myself as a person.
that chapter in my life is done, and I'm done dealing with it.
Even though I've been done dealing with him for a while now,
i've realized there was error on my part, and I had to apologize for it.
and that no matter how much i tried to ignore it,
the resulting situation of our interaction has had a major impact on my life.

truth be told,
it was mostly done for my self and purely for my own benefit,
so I can feel like I've made my peace.
because really, I have a sneaking suspicion that he'll never ever read it.
and that's okay, because I made the effort, and now I'm done.

don't do drugs, kids.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-09-25T17:51:00

2006-09-25T21:53:37Z

too many drugs.
never enough booze.

we're keeping wrapped up and quiet.
pretty baby; can you keep a secret?
lady lady; can i ever.
you're not going to die today,
not even tomorrow.
And I don't think you'll be reincarnated.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-09-17T15:33:00

2006-09-17T19:39:29Z

.

you you you;
you rock my world.

this is uncharted territory. and I'm scared I enjoy it too much.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-09-14T18:21:00

2006-09-14T22:25:07Z

I finally WENT on AIM, actually signed on, intentionally.
so for kicks, I check to see if the mister is on line.
and he was, he never is. So I'm a little happy right now.
He was away and all. Oh the drama of AIM.

I'm doing a huge overhaul on my iTunes/iPod,
I'll actually have room for all that new junk I've been downloading.

Schools pretty sweet, I'm just really tired;
I have to condense 7 days of partying into two nights.
Tough work all by it's self.

galang/galang

2006-09-12T03:55:16Z

I had a pretty nice weekend.
Got dragged to TBS, missed half of it
because i was hanging out with Josh, and a very nice girl named Sam.
We met up with a boy named Ryan, then We all (including Heather P and Lord God)
went to Josh's apartment in East Boston. fancy times.

and I had a very nice day, today, too.
I did a lot of art, drawing pastel-ing, inking.
I pulled out pastels in the atomic and started drawing on a cup.
I'm pretty embarrassing.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-09-06T21:40:00

2006-09-07T01:42:41Z

muh life is pretty awkward at the moment.

I hate facebook now, offically. It makes it too easy to be a huge mother fucking creep.

Charlie took me to a three car accident tonight and I used my new fancy professional film.
Firetrucks are nice subjects. so are ambulances.
Car crash victims... not so much.
Charles is going to make a great firefighter.

ehh

2006-09-05T20:43:52Z

it was my mother fucking birthday.

!!!!!

2006-09-05T16:02:30Z

okay so.
uhhh. I don't remember anything. or at least anything in order.
I've decided to list all accomplishments. or maybe just shit?
I've developed some bad habits like not eating until 4 in the afternoon.
and drinking too much. and smoking way WAY too much.
However, I dropped other habits, like flipping people off, staying at Dane until real early in the morning, and Brad Wilde.
I got some mother fucking 300 dollar glasses, out of pocket. they're pretty sweet though.
I went up to Vermont for a day a few weeks ago. I was helping Heath take Danni to college. that was an experience. I got waiverd for NESAD, which is practically my number one now.
So many other things happened, that unless you were there you wouldn't believe them, even if you saw the pictures.
now my life is returning to normal, like last night I hung out with Molly and Charlie and those guys and played four square.
it wasn't entirely normal, it was actually a little weird, but the circumstances were completely sane.

anexcapeplan @ 2006-08-22T20:15:00

2006-08-23T00:16:07Z

Sun 10/8
Islands (fr.. Canada, feat. members of The Unicorns) – All Ages - $12

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

fahhhhk

2006-08-14T21:56:21Z

so much has happened that I can't even talk about.
holy shit, there's no way I'll ever forget it though.

My last week at NESAD was next week, and I got my portfolio wavered.
which is super duper good. and I'm very happy about.
I miss that I'm not going back there tomorrow to endure hours of torturous fun with Paul and Tim and Sophia, but i'm getting over it pretty quickly.
I've worked a shit load and made shit loads of money, accordingly.

someone named CJ just instant messaged me.
now I know why I had my buddy list on buddies only for so long.